willowmeg: Amber skull in front of round, moonlike drawing of flowers, in front of a purple starry sky. (Default)
[personal profile] willowmeg
I'm just going to train-of-thought here, and spew a bunch of stuff...who knows what will make sense and what won't...

So, I haven't done a real, honest-to-god journal entry in a good long while. I guess that's a side effect of the writing thing...yeah, that's still going strong. Right now I'm four-fifths of the way through writing the second book in my magical realism trilogy. (It currently stands at about 56,000 words, and I have perhaps 3 or 4 chapters left to get through. The 1st book was only 28,000 words.) It's going well...or, at least, it was going well until the last few days, and sometime between finishing chapter 18 and starting chapter 19 I began to hit a wall. Right now I'm still having bits of good ideas, but they're all for various parts in the timeline of the 3rd story, which I haven't gotten to yet - and it's hard to keep them all in good order, and organized so I know I can string them together down the road. What I'd really *like* to do is keep the momentum on the part of the story where I'm currently meant to be, but it seems that some part of my subconscious is starting to see the finish line ahead and balk at it. "I don't want to be done?" Not exactly. More like "the part I'm worried about is the climactic bit and the ending, and that's getting closer, and I don't want to have to deal with it yet."

Anyway. I had a whole bunch of other babbling here, all related to the plot and my issues with juggling various details and arcs...boring for anyone who isn't intimately familiar with my story. I cut it out. TL;DR: the Big-ness of the major emotional plot point I'm approaching (the point at which G's reconciliation with his estranged wife gets really happy and optimistic, and he bites the bullet and reveals his secret to her FINALLY - and she seems to take it well - but then less than a week later it's revealed that she's gone back to her lover and everything falls apart) is going to be so Big and Tough to write that I'm just mentally shying away from getting closer to it on a subconscious level. Bleah.

What else is on my mind?

Um, well, my Grandma might be dying soon. Greg and I got to see her, and sort of say goodbye, when we visited my family in Florida at the end of September. It was a good trip, but having her laid up in a hospital bed in her room down the hall the whole time we were there was a bit of a pall on an otherwise pleasant holiday. Still, it's bound to happen; there's no massive medical emergency to be worked up over; it's just a matter of keeping her comfortable and waiting...Mom and Dad are having it rough. They haven't been able to go anywhere together for months; one of them has to be in the house at all times...However, this week they've been able to get a little relief, in the form of a 4-day cruise bought for them by one of my brothers' old high school classmates. (Long story, but take it from me: it was a very, very touching gesture of appreciation for the kindness our parents had shown him.) Medicare is footing the bill for Grandma to be cared for in a nice hospice facility for the duration of their vacation; we're all just hoping she won't pass while Mom and Dad are gone. (Or, well, in talking to Mom she said she sort of hoped Grandma *would* just go during that time - there are, of course, arrangements pre-set just in case) but I think it would be better if that doesn't happen, as far as the potential for Mom's later guilt. Ugh, it's all very complicated down there. I don't really like thinking about it. As far as my own feelings on the situation, well...those are pretty mixed, too. I'm sort of feeling like I don't feel anything, which I know isn't really true. It probably won't hit me until after it happens, and we have to drive out for the funeral - that will happen up here in Ohio, so we'll see everyone again.

I think the closest I've gotten to really letting myself dip into Feelings about Grandma was last night...when an important scene's dialogue came to me for a point in the 3rd story. It's a scene where G has to visit the hospital and say goodbye to his ex-wife's grandmother, whom he loves very much, and she gives him a last bit of very important advice in regards to his special gift. This is...well, it's vaguely uncomfortable to admit that I got more emotional last night writing that than I did when I held Grandma's hand before we left my parents' house. Ugh. The guilt of a writer, huh? Extra guilt in the fact that the fictional grandmother lived to the age of 98 and remained at least 95% coherent up through very close to the end...it works as needed for the story, sigh. The real one is only 87, and in terms of coherency...well. Much, much less.

I wrote a short 1300-word erotica piece and published it this week. It's sort of an experiment - one of my friends and I were discussing the phenomenon wherein serious dramatic writing will always, always get less attention than spicy writing of any kind. Of course, I don't expect much attention from this either - it's still het, and it commits the sin (as some believe) of 2nd person POV, and it's more flirting and fantasy than action... K called it "erotic poetry" which is nice...anyway, it was an experiment. And I find it quite amusing that it has, in fact, garnered 18 kudos and 4 bookmarks within 24 hours of being published... heh.

I think I originally started this entry because I wanted to allow myself a shameless moment to whine about having a week where my betas are unavailable and uncommunicative. My local beta N is currently 8 (!) chapters behind, two of which I've gone ahead and published without waiting for her input (because I had got feedback from my other 2 betas). She hasn't read for me in about a month and a half now! I don't know what the deal is with her, she's apparently job-hunting right now...and who knows what that entails. My husband is "job hunting" too, but he still has a ton of time to do what he wants to do at home - that probably means he's doing it wrong (haha) but he does all the chores and cooking and shopping and car stuff, so I let it slide. My beta K just got back from a week of travel, and got a bad cold or something from that, so she's not communicating either except for a couple very brief emails - she's only 3 chapters behind, same as E. (I know if I were home sick, I would be doing NOTHING but reading and writing...but, as I've mentioned here, I'm an odd bird and I know it. For other people it's probably vegging in front of the TV.) As for E, she's occupied on a trip with her wife, happily researching her heart out - I do hope she finds time to quickly dip into the chapters when she gets back (this weekend?), because it's very shortly going to be the time of year when I lose her completely due to her university teaching pressures. So... *sigh* I just have to keep plugging along, and keep myself motivated...
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willowmeg: Amber skull in front of round, moonlike drawing of flowers, in front of a purple starry sky. (Default)
willowmeg

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